adam
03-02-2005, 09:00 AM
FROM INSIDE LACROSSE MAGAZINE:
subscription information @ www.insidelacrosse.com (http://www.insidelacrosse.com)
Crossing Over
By Peter Lasagna (Inside Lacrosse Magazine, Feb. 18, 2005)
Coaches who double as fathers have to be careful. It turns out that objectivity is not a strength when our blood is involved. From the glorious days of their births in 1990 and 1992, I swore it did not matter whether or not my kids gravitated toward athletics.
They were going to be surrounded by my chosen profession every day regardless. If we parented well, they would freely pursue their own passions.
So I have been surprised, in recent years, as I watch myself morph instantly and repeatedly into Overboard Man. At the first hint that my son and daughter might actually enjoy lacrosse, field hockey and basketball, I dive headlong into every trap that I promised I would avoid.
With both children, I find it difficult to give them the space I know they need. I want to demonstrate my love by “helping” them become the players I believe they can be. I invest far too much energy evaluating the methods of their coaches and instructing game officials on the proper calls.
Father has a tough time turning down the COACH volume when he watches them play. My blood pressure elevates as much at a girls’ youth lacrosse game as it does in the fourth quarter against Colby. My wife threatens to sit elsewhere and the other parents politely ignore me.
Amazingly, my son still likes me. Maybe our shared maleness dictates that. I was a son once. I recognize the symptoms of a deranged Italian dad. My boy enjoys lacrosse but has, so far, been spared his father’s obsession. I work with he and his friends at camps, assist his rec. league coaches and savor my time on the field and in the car with him. He respects my knowledge and remains open to my input and instruction.
My daughter (13) takes a different view on my coaching intrusions. In her first foray into organized girls lacrosse in fifth grade, Carmen announced that I would have little to do with her development as a player. This was her team. Her coaches. She and her teammates did not need my assistance.
I retreated, slightly wounded, and respected her right to her own experience.
In the past three years Carmen has moved from dabbling, social athlete to motivated jock. She adores field hockey and lacrosse. She decided to try out for basketball this winter. She had never played before but said to my wife, “I will die if I don’t play a sport every season!”
Carmen’s three-sport participation has taken me to more girls’ youth contests in the past two years than in all my previous 44 years combined.
It dawned on me, as I watched her athletic spark fanned into a flame, that all of the people holding the bellows so far have been men.
I read no deeper meaning into the fact. I simply observed it. I never weighed gender of mentor as a factor. I only wanted enough coaches in the community to meet the needs of the players. If they took pride in their craft and inspired the kids, that was a bonus.
But I have now become fascinated with the phenomenon of men coaching girls and women. Having only coached men and living with a teenage daughter, I marvel at the dynamics.
I now see articles everywhere about men coaching female athletes. Is it different? Why? Do you motivate women the same way? Is it more important with girls to establish respect for their sensitivity? Do women value TEAM more than solo-consumed males?
So naturally I wanted to call someone (that does not coach my daughter!) with first-hand knowledge of the subject.
Georgetown University’s Ricky Fried has been answering these questions with extraordinary success for 12 years. After an All-American playing career at UMBC and a few MILL World Championships as a Philadelphia Wing, Fried started coaching women, as he says, “by accident.” He was working with Wings teammate John Tucker at Gilman. In 1993, John’s wife Janine took over the women’s program at Johns Hopkins and asked Fried to assist her. For the next nine seasons the Blue Jays enjoyed historic success in both Divisions III and I.
Fried absorbed technical knowledge from Janine Tucker and other established women’s coaches. He learned the intricacies of the women’s rules. He also blended men’s cradling techniques and shooting skills.
Between the lines, Coach Fried focused on lacrosse, not gender.
“Early on I read a quote from one of coach Anson Dorrance’s soccer players at UNC,” Fried recalls. “She said that he treated them like athletes on the field and ladies off the field.”
Janine Tucker and former Hoya head coach Kim Simons echoed the same message.
After two years and two final fours as Simons’ assistant, Fried begins his first year as GU’s head coach this spring. He sees mostly similarities between his charges and their male counterparts. “They want to be challenged to excel,” he says. “They need to know that we believe in them.”
However, Fried believes that a few positive contrasts do exist: “My biggest challenge is to instill additional confidence in very good players. This creates a very different atmosphere than having to ‘break down’ a self-absorbed guy.”
Women are decidedly team-first.
Fried also sees women approach personal improvement in a superior manner.
“I enjoy how much women enjoy learning,” he says. “They listen and get it the first time. Ego does not get in the way.”
This may help women self-evaluate more accurately and improve more rapidly.
Ricky advocates for a mixed staff, saying the balance is crucial for his players—but does it matter that one of the coaches is a man?
“We usually lead the country in forced turnovers,” he says. “My teams have always ridden. I may have brought that from my game. But this works because of two really smart female assistants who played the game.”
He clearly loves his job. I hang up and realize that I envy these lucky men that get to coach our daughters.
Peter Lasagna is the head coach at Bates College. A former DI Coach of the Year at Brown, he’s also a Past President of the U.S. Lacrosse Men’s Coaches Council.
FROM INSIDE LACROSSE MAGAZINE:
subscription information @ www.insidelacrosse.com (http://www.insidelacrosse.com)
subscription information @ www.insidelacrosse.com (http://www.insidelacrosse.com)
Crossing Over
By Peter Lasagna (Inside Lacrosse Magazine, Feb. 18, 2005)
Coaches who double as fathers have to be careful. It turns out that objectivity is not a strength when our blood is involved. From the glorious days of their births in 1990 and 1992, I swore it did not matter whether or not my kids gravitated toward athletics.
They were going to be surrounded by my chosen profession every day regardless. If we parented well, they would freely pursue their own passions.
So I have been surprised, in recent years, as I watch myself morph instantly and repeatedly into Overboard Man. At the first hint that my son and daughter might actually enjoy lacrosse, field hockey and basketball, I dive headlong into every trap that I promised I would avoid.
With both children, I find it difficult to give them the space I know they need. I want to demonstrate my love by “helping” them become the players I believe they can be. I invest far too much energy evaluating the methods of their coaches and instructing game officials on the proper calls.
Father has a tough time turning down the COACH volume when he watches them play. My blood pressure elevates as much at a girls’ youth lacrosse game as it does in the fourth quarter against Colby. My wife threatens to sit elsewhere and the other parents politely ignore me.
Amazingly, my son still likes me. Maybe our shared maleness dictates that. I was a son once. I recognize the symptoms of a deranged Italian dad. My boy enjoys lacrosse but has, so far, been spared his father’s obsession. I work with he and his friends at camps, assist his rec. league coaches and savor my time on the field and in the car with him. He respects my knowledge and remains open to my input and instruction.
My daughter (13) takes a different view on my coaching intrusions. In her first foray into organized girls lacrosse in fifth grade, Carmen announced that I would have little to do with her development as a player. This was her team. Her coaches. She and her teammates did not need my assistance.
I retreated, slightly wounded, and respected her right to her own experience.
In the past three years Carmen has moved from dabbling, social athlete to motivated jock. She adores field hockey and lacrosse. She decided to try out for basketball this winter. She had never played before but said to my wife, “I will die if I don’t play a sport every season!”
Carmen’s three-sport participation has taken me to more girls’ youth contests in the past two years than in all my previous 44 years combined.
It dawned on me, as I watched her athletic spark fanned into a flame, that all of the people holding the bellows so far have been men.
I read no deeper meaning into the fact. I simply observed it. I never weighed gender of mentor as a factor. I only wanted enough coaches in the community to meet the needs of the players. If they took pride in their craft and inspired the kids, that was a bonus.
But I have now become fascinated with the phenomenon of men coaching girls and women. Having only coached men and living with a teenage daughter, I marvel at the dynamics.
I now see articles everywhere about men coaching female athletes. Is it different? Why? Do you motivate women the same way? Is it more important with girls to establish respect for their sensitivity? Do women value TEAM more than solo-consumed males?
So naturally I wanted to call someone (that does not coach my daughter!) with first-hand knowledge of the subject.
Georgetown University’s Ricky Fried has been answering these questions with extraordinary success for 12 years. After an All-American playing career at UMBC and a few MILL World Championships as a Philadelphia Wing, Fried started coaching women, as he says, “by accident.” He was working with Wings teammate John Tucker at Gilman. In 1993, John’s wife Janine took over the women’s program at Johns Hopkins and asked Fried to assist her. For the next nine seasons the Blue Jays enjoyed historic success in both Divisions III and I.
Fried absorbed technical knowledge from Janine Tucker and other established women’s coaches. He learned the intricacies of the women’s rules. He also blended men’s cradling techniques and shooting skills.
Between the lines, Coach Fried focused on lacrosse, not gender.
“Early on I read a quote from one of coach Anson Dorrance’s soccer players at UNC,” Fried recalls. “She said that he treated them like athletes on the field and ladies off the field.”
Janine Tucker and former Hoya head coach Kim Simons echoed the same message.
After two years and two final fours as Simons’ assistant, Fried begins his first year as GU’s head coach this spring. He sees mostly similarities between his charges and their male counterparts. “They want to be challenged to excel,” he says. “They need to know that we believe in them.”
However, Fried believes that a few positive contrasts do exist: “My biggest challenge is to instill additional confidence in very good players. This creates a very different atmosphere than having to ‘break down’ a self-absorbed guy.”
Women are decidedly team-first.
Fried also sees women approach personal improvement in a superior manner.
“I enjoy how much women enjoy learning,” he says. “They listen and get it the first time. Ego does not get in the way.”
This may help women self-evaluate more accurately and improve more rapidly.
Ricky advocates for a mixed staff, saying the balance is crucial for his players—but does it matter that one of the coaches is a man?
“We usually lead the country in forced turnovers,” he says. “My teams have always ridden. I may have brought that from my game. But this works because of two really smart female assistants who played the game.”
He clearly loves his job. I hang up and realize that I envy these lucky men that get to coach our daughters.
Peter Lasagna is the head coach at Bates College. A former DI Coach of the Year at Brown, he’s also a Past President of the U.S. Lacrosse Men’s Coaches Council.
FROM INSIDE LACROSSE MAGAZINE:
subscription information @ www.insidelacrosse.com (http://www.insidelacrosse.com)