Too close to home...

[WHEELAX2]

Ok.. not to name names, or lax programs, but a very good friend of mine was involved in a car accident that ended up killing his best friend and roommate.

I have no idea what to do..

this might belong in the open forum, but it does have major implications on two major lacrosse programs, and a future MLL career...

[OldGoalie]

Wow, sorry to hear that. What advice are you looking for?

[WHEELAX2]

well, essentially my friend's life is ruined.. so, as a friend, what do u do?

[b-waterlax]

never had anything like that happen to me but i would think you can only help him to try and forgive himself and move on, i hope it turns out good

[OldGoalie]

Agreed. Just be there for him and keep reminding him that there was nothing he could have done, that life will go on, that this will get better over time. Time heals all.

Just being there for him is the biggest part of it, I think.

[WHEELAX2]

well, I believe there might be some criminal charges, etc..

[laxmomma]

Wheelax2, I am so sorry. This is a terrible tragedy for all involved. This is the time to be a friend in the true sense of the word. I'm sure you have talked to him and possibly even said if you need anything call. Don't wait for him to call. I'm not saying call him every day, but check in with him. Get your buddies together during the holidays or after for dinner, pick him up to go with. You don't have to bring up what happened and surely don't question him, allow him to be your guide, if he talks listen, you don't have to say anything and it's probably best if you don't. If he brings up that his life is as you say "ruined" it's not, we all make mistakes, some are terribly tragic such as this and it's sad, very sad. But there are better days ahead and most of us have goodness inside and no one would ever intend for something of this magnitude to happen. This was an accident, the situation leading up to what happened may have been totally avoidable and from this we all learn something or at least we hope we do. Don't forget the other family is suffering terribly also, if you know them, send a card, attend the wake or make a donation to his/their respective lacrosse programs (I'm talking college here). You do not have to do all those, but do something it will make you feel better and the family too. Your friend is going to need you and others now more than ever as he navigates this difficult journey. Remember there but by the grace of God go I, it could be me or you in this situation. Take care.

[OldGoalie]

well, I believe there might be some criminal charges, etc..

Ah, I see. Well, then help him find a great attorney and advocate, as it sounds like he'll need it. Be there throughout the process and help him stay positive. If it was due to reckless activity, DUI, etc. then it's going to be tough going. He may be better off legally and conscience-wise to cop a plea, do counseling and community service, etc. and then make amends with the families, as a conviction for manslaughter brings much heftier jail time.

Good luck!

[Laxin2266]

Thats rough but laxmomma summed it up very well.... just be there for him and be available to him to talk.

[USED2BEGOOD]

WHEELS....I was really sorry to hear about the accident. You need to get in touch with him ASAP if you haven't already and see if he needs anything. I am a fellow Trojan, altough I am older than you, I know you and him. Do me a favor and reach out to him. Let the legal stuff work itself out. If I can help in any way please let me know....send me a message off the board if you want.

[WHEELAX2]

Yeah.. I'm doing my best to reach out..

Thanks Laxmomma, USEDTOBEGOOD, and everyone else who has offered their support..

It's a very difficult situation.. I have been in contact with the family, and I just feel really helpless..

[laxmomma]

Wheel...your welcome very much. Your not helpless, you are starting the process by asking right here what you can do....that's a start. I think when something tragic like this happens to us/around us we all feel what your feeling right now, helpless. Situations like this make us feel vulnerable and raw. We are not here to judge right from wrong, as friends we can only offer support in whatever way possible. I can see both sides of this, as a parent my heart is broken for both men. We don't raise our kids to be unkind and uncaring, we attempt to raise responsible and caring adults, that your friend can count you among his peers is a tribute to not only him but his family. I constantly am reminding my kids to be careful and smart, I know that my son especially gets bugged by being "nagged" but how bad would I feel as his mom if I didn't care and never said..."be careful, be safe and be smart, along with treat people how you would like to be treated" as many times as I have over the years and the one time that I don't do my mom thing something bad happens, I don't know if I could forgive myself. If I have one plea for you and all....think, just think for one minute, no matter how fun, no matter how close, no matter how little, no matter what.....there is always another way make the call, us moms and dads, friends and siblings are waiting for it and we'll be there for you, because rather there for those times so we do not have to struggle through these times.

[Lax101]

I'm really sorry to hear about this, wheelax.

This can go either in the open or general forum, so if you think you can get a different/bigger audience in the open forum, then I'll be happy to move it.