Family Guy!!!

[flyersrule9733]

whats ur favorite quote and episode

mine favorite quote is: (u gootta watch it to totally understand)

Peter (narrating his life): "I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I'd never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I had begun to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with the long fatigue of a weary life. (Lois knocks Peter out.)
I woke several hours later in a daze."


and episode is the fat man strangler, its just hilarious

[franks2089]

Mine is when he orders "10,000 thousand chicken fajitas" but it sounds like he is saying chicken vaginas.

[flyersrule9733]

and the one that was just on was pretty good too (sry for the double post)

[gigo567]

Ok meg, lets take a look at your bergina.

I forgot what episode.

[UNCdefense]

haha, i love that one flyers rule w/ the whole narration, family guy is hilarious i dunno what id do w/out peter in my life

[Mavido]

The episode tonight where stewie beat brian and then shot him in both knees and then lit him on fire... that was good....

[LongIslandLax]

Peter (after Lois tells him he's childish): "If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if i'm going stand here and take this from a pervert."

[flyersrule9733]

first sry again but i am gonna make my top w/e i feel like of family guy quotes (and no i do not know them by heart:

and bolded are my favorite ones

Stewie: How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.
~
Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total b****.
~
Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did.
Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on.
(They all drink.)
Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife.
(Quagmire and Cleveland drink.)
Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom.
(Only Quagmire drinks.)
****About 33 drinks later****
Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Alligence.
Quagmire: Oh God.
(Quagmire takes a drink.)
Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home a choke me while I touch myself.
Quagmire: Oh come on!
(Quagmire drinks again.)
Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics.
Quagmire: Oh God this is ridiculous. You guys suck! (Drinks more and passes out.)
~
Peter (when he's hungover): This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. (Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur
skeltons.)
Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.

^classic

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.
~
Peter: (Grabs the microphone at a fast food restaurant) Attention restaurant customers: Testicles. That is all.
~
(Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus.)
German Tour Guide: You vill find more on Germany's contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided.
Brian : Yeah, about your pamphlet... uh, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap.
Tour guide: Everyone vas on vacation. On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15...
Brian : Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and...
Tour Guide: We were invited. Punch vas served. Check vit Poland.
Brian : You can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany.
Tour guide: Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
Brian : A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous.
Tour guide: I vill hear no more insinuations about the German people. Nothing bad happened. Sie werden sich hinsetzen. Sie werden ruhig sein. Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland. You will sit down. You will shut up. You will not insult Germany. (Throws his hand up in a Hitler salute.)
Brian : Uh, is that a beer hall?
Tour guide: (Snapping out of it) Oh yes, Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls.
~
Lois: Peter,why are we stopped?
Peter: Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...
Lois: Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!
Peter: Oh that's right...and a kid's meal... and uh,I, I guess I'll have fries...if I have fries is anyone else gonna have any? Cuz,uh I don't wanna be the only one eatin' them... I'll feel like a fatty.
~
Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!


thats just some (and i know i bolded like half of them)

[Orange]

Peter: "Dear Meg,

For the first four years of your life, I thought you were a house cat..."

Stewie: "Oh ***** you got jacked *****"

[LongIslandLax]

Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total B.... .
[/B]


Yo man you are gonna get in trouble. You are not allowed to curse.

[franks2089]

What about the one where he is at some party and he tries to come up with a fake name and he comes up with "pea-ter griffin" after he seas a pea and a flying griffin.

[Orange]

Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total *****.

That used to be one of my away messages. This show is so good. I missed tonights cause of a game though.

Yo man you are gonna get in trouble. You are not allowed to curse.
I don't think that's considered a curse unless you're directly calling someone it, like flaming.

[flyersrule9733]

i put stars where it cursed, and orange where u play cause i played tonight too? and it says ur from jersey

man that would be funny if we play the same place

[LongIslandLax]

The best one is when Bert and Ernie were gay and naked.
Narrator: This show is rated H for Homicide.
Ernie: Whats the matter Bert?
Bert: Oh some poor ******* got his head blown off at a place called Hoopers.
Ernie: I wish you wouldn't get so mad Bert
Bert: Oh yeah Ernie well I wish you didn't eat cookies in the damn bed.

I never laughed so hard in my life.

[NuKoN]

What about the one where he is at some party and he tries to come up with a fake name and he comes up with "pea-ter griffin" after he seas a pea and a flying griffin.

He was on vacation at a rehab place, and was trying to think of a fake name to give to the lady.. he saw a pea, a woman crying, and then a griffin flew by (winged lion)

[gigo567]

Peter: Oh thank god its you Lois. The last three house were very rude.
Lois: Are you drunk?
Peter: Why yes I am, thank you.

[aussielax]

my few fav's are:

Peter: I'm not drunk i'm just exhausted from doing all this drinking

Louis: stewie what are you doing?
Stewie: were just playing house
Louis: why is that boy ties up
Stewie: Roman Pilanski's house

[auburnfan2015]

Meg: Mom, Dad...I am a lesbian.
Peter: That...is.....awwesome

Lois: Like the time Peter pretended to be racist to get out of jury duty...(flashback)
(All white jury and Peter)
Peter: ...Sure are alot of honkeys in here

From last week's episode, man I love family guy.

[Lax4life24]

family guy is hilarious

[middieman147]

"did my file also say that i ran junior track for two days?" i think thats how it goes ithe episode where the grim reaper comes to take peter and then breaks his foot. that whole episode is freaking hilarious. the christmas one is also funny

[Orange]

From the movie...

(both are drunk)
Brian: You're drunk.
Stewie: You're sexy!

[GeorgiaMiddie2]

Peter: Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a big fat white guy who is threatened by change.

ah, i love it... freakin hillarious because it's so true

[Jesse]

When Peter sees the black chick and the white guy "making babies".
And he rings the number on the white guys tatt.
And hes like "Oh, we are just in your house."

[headlinenewsrox]

"GO AWAY FAT MAN" Stewie

[JoshM]

Peter: "You may have killed her when you hit her with the stool, you may have killed her when you stuffed dollar bills down her throat. I don't know, I'm not a doctor. But you know what didn't kill her? Smoking."
Senator: "You have our support Griffin".

[HdGLaxWarrior]

Tom Tucker: And now time for Ollie Williams with the Black-U-Weather Forecast. Ollie?
Ollie: It gon rain.
Tom Tucker: Thanks, Ollie.

http://newsfly.org/humormedia/news.htm

That is so true at my school.

[flyersrule9733]

http://newsfly.org/humormedia/familyguy.htm

all of those are hilarious

aww no no aww....OOH YEA!!!

[The Chariot]

From the movie...

(both are drunk)
Brian: You're drunk.
Stewie: You're sexy!
Actually in that scene, Brian isn't drunk. He pulls Stewie away from the kitchen table because hes making a fool of himself. Easily the best scene(s) in that movie.

I really cannot come up with a favorite quote. I've seen so much Family Guy it just doesn't come to me. Pretty 1337 if you ask me.

[faceitoff]

Every time they make fun of Meg. Every time, it makes me pee my pants.

[AttackMan17]

Peter: "Dear Meg,

For the first four years of your life, I thought you were a house cat..."


Nice...
Dear Stewie,
...get out.

[StillTippin]

Meg- I made the flag girl squad"
Peter- "Yea that's great Stewie"

[wilsontopowell]

in the movie when stewie crashes the car in the bar when there drunk and looks at brian puts his finger against his mouth and goes "ssshhhhhhhhh

[James]

holy crip its a crapple

[EndlesFimbulvet]

"Im sorry sir, you cant park your van on the diving board"

[DQLAX22]

stewie: "yea...i was just upstairs and there's a half dead fat guy eating a dead fat guy...yea...just look the other way?...ok then"
from the fat guy strngler episode

[laxcanada]

" Never mind, it's just some fat kid..."
Hilarious

[fitzy_nb_11]

Brian was drunk too. That's why Stewie says give me your keys, and that's why Brian gives him his keys.
no,no,no that's when stewie jumps from that shelf and falls. and then brian says i'm gunna make you so drunk your not..

[laxman359]

the episode in the newest season where peter finds out hes fat and stewy opens up his bedroom door and theres a half dead fat guy eating a dead fat guy and he walks down stairs to the kitchen "theres a ummm half dead fat guy eating a dead fat guy....i guess were just gonna turn our heads to this one"

[Thrillhouse]

Doctor: Well Rudolph, we finally figured out what makes your nose red.
Rudolph: Is it pixie dust? Or, or leprechaun tails?
Doctor: No, its a tumor.
Rudolph: You mean, like a magical christmas tumor?
Doctor: No... a malignent tumor. The base of which is lodged deep within your brain.
Rudolph: Oh. Like a happy special...
Doctor: You're going to die.

[Despise Purity]

shipoopi, Shipoopi...
The dance Peter does after he scores a touchdown and everyone in the stadium joins in.

The great thing is its an actual song from like the 50s or something.

[laxpro]

The o-so-common -
"Giddly, Giddly, Giddly!"
"Oh Quagmire"

Another o-so-common -
"Go away fat man"

When Peter and Lois are trying to have a baby and Stewie tries to kill all the sperm but becomes friends with one of them. The other sperm hates Lois also and Stewie thinks how much fun it would be. Then he sees Peter have a twinkle in his eye and Stewie says something (to the extent of), "He smarter than I thought." -Emmision Impossible

[slinkyspine]

When quagmire is in the vents above lois when shes in the bathroom. Giggity gig gigg gigity giggity ans sighs with relief lol goos episode

[Orange]

Alriiiight... I made a touchdown.

[NC-LACROSSE]

i love the episode were there playing trivial pursuit and lois switch peters cards with preschool edition...

Brian: peter what color are firetrucks...
Peter: firetrucks firetrucks wat color are those red fire trucks...

then peter wins and thinks he is a genius and talks all smart and stuff its so funny...

[laxattack#7]

i like the one where chris goes to the jungle, and is in the peace core and when the family comes to get him chris says "dad your just trying to escape your problems by coming here", and Peter says "What are you talking about, Meg is right here". you have to see it to totally understand

[laxpro]

... and the one when Lois learns a form of Martial Arts, and kicks everyones "you-know-whats" and the whole family gets in a giant fight, with Stewie riding Brian, Peter gets the painting stuck on his head, and then they are nice to eachother, and Stewie comes up from behind and hits Lois in the head with a chair.

[Lax4Ever]

Meg- I made the flag girl squad"
Peter- "Yea that's great Stewie"

The best line in that sceen was by far right after that when Stewie said "that's great. Now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call."

Peter - "Who, who, who, who, who, Lois, this is not my batman cup"

Peter - "It's like that time I forgot how to sit."

The chicken fights were great!!! So was the breakfast maker - "What the hell was the point of that!?!?! It doesn't even make breakfast! It just, it just shoots you!"

"It's so real! It looks like Micheal Jackson's coming right at me!" - Then he jump off the stage, grabs the kid and runs out the door.
LOL!! The south park with Jackson is soooo funny! I can't believe they did that!

[Palmettolax45]

i love the episode were there playing trivial pursuit and lois switch peters cards with preschool edition...

Brian: peter what color are firetrucks...
Peter: firetrucks firetrucks wat color are those red fire trucks...

then peter wins and thinks he is a genius and talks all smart and stuff its so funny...

while hes taking the test he has the farm animal thing while everyone else has calculators, "the cow goes mooooo.", "the dog goes woof woof" peter goes "of course how did i not know that"

[Lax4Ever]

i love the episode were there playing trivial pursuit and lois switch peters cards with preschool edition...

Brian: peter what color are firetrucks...
Peter: firetrucks firetrucks wat color are those red fire trucks...

then peter wins and thinks he is a genius and talks all smart and stuff its so funny...

"It's a good thing I watched that documentary on firetrucks the other day."

[Laxer1241]

... and the one when Lois learns a form of Martial Arts, and kicks everyones "you-know-whats" and the whole family gets in a giant fight, with Stewie riding Brian, Peter gets the painting stuck on his head, and then they are nice to eachother, and Stewie comes up from behind and hits Lois in the head with a chair.
Didnt that scene used to be on the commercial that promoted(sp?) the show?

[FitzGoalie]

my personal favorite is when god burns down the drunken clam. goes something like this:

God: hey babe, need a light? (lights ciggarette with a lightning bolt)
babe: hey that's a neat trick
God: magic fingers (casts another lighting bolt which catches something on fire)
God: JESUS CHRIST!!
(jesus appears)
Jesus: yes, dad?
God: get the escalade...we're outa here

[JoshM]

my personal favorite is when god burns down the drunken clam. goes something like this:

God: hey babe, need a light? (lights ciggarette with a lightning bolt)
babe: hey that's a neat trick
God: magic fingers (casts another lighting bolt which catches something on fire)
God: JESUS CHRIST!!
(jesus appears)
Jesus: yes, dad?
God: get the escalade...we're outa here
Haha, yeah, that one was classic.

What season was it in?

[mmlaxplaya17]

I like "Bond? James Bond...Ill do it!"
and "All the way to the Bank"
and "Beer.. Pie..The? Ill take it"


And another classic is...
Chris:I love my english teacher!
Lois:What you love your english teacher?!
Peter: WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH....WOAH...WOAH..................Lois this is not my Batman Glass!

and later in teh above episode: (Peter talking to chris's english teacher) By any chance do you have a picture of yourself I could tape to theback of my wifes head? (And if you don't know what hes talking about I pitty you)

To live and die in dixie is my favorite when hes on the crapper and it falls over! Lol

[Lax4Ever]

Or how about in that episode, Peter says that he should explain that Chris "loves" her because it has to be done delicatly. "My son....wants to...do you."

[lildixon]

Family Guy is my all time favorite show here some of the best scenes i know i dont have the quotes exactly

Peter: "I just wish I woke up every morning excited to go to work....like a dairy cow."
Scene Switches to a farmer milking a cow and the cow is having an orgasm. I was like crying for 30 minutes I was laughing so hard

Also, when Chris gets his first zit
Lois: "Oh look Chris got his first zit, your becoming a man."
Peter: "I remember when I first became a man."
**Scene flashes to a hospital where Peter is in the hospital bed**
Doctor: "The operation was a sucess!"
**Peter looks under the covers**
Peter: "Hey there little buddy."
Oh my gosh I was laughing so freakin hard when i saw that. Holy cow I love Family Guy!

[flyersrule9733]

Family Guy is my all time favorite show here some of the best scenes i know i dont have the quotes exactly

Peter: "I just wish I woke up every morning excited to go to work....like a dairy cow."
Scene Switches to a farmer milking a cow and the cow is having an orgasm. I was like crying for 30 minutes I was laughing so hard

Also, when Chris gets his first zit
Lois: "Oh look Chris got his first zit, your becoming a man."
Peter: "I remember when I first became a man."
**Scene flashes to a hospital where Peter is in the hospital bed**
Doctor: "The operation was a sucess!"
**Peter looks under the covers**
Peter: "Hey there little buddy."
Oh my gosh I was laughing so freakin hard when i saw that. Holy cow I love Family Guy!


that was hilarious

there are so many different things, i dont know what to quote

http://www.familyguy.com/

todays is pretty funny

[laxgod1790]

These are all good but this one is the best.

Lifeguard: Sir, you can't park your Van on the diving board
Peter: thats not my van thats my son.
Lifeguard: O thats just a fat kid, A fatty,fatty,fat kid. Hey fatty you want some chocolate fatty?

[wilsontopowell]

... and the one when Lois learns a form of Martial Arts, and kicks everyones "you-know-whats" and the whole family gets in a giant fight, with Stewie riding Brian, Peter gets the painting stuck on his head, and then they are nice to eachother, and Stewie comes up from behind and hits Lois in the head with a chair.

ahahahah yes best scene ever

[GarysGod]

Family guy owns:

Peter (In Asiatown): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan! (Asian guy walks away)
Peter (to next Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan! (Asian guy again walks away)
Peter (to another Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan!
Jackie Chan: Great to see I have a fan! Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Peter: No I'm not.
Jackie Chan to Chris: Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Chris: Nope.
Jackie Chan to Meg: Oh my God it's Malcom in Middle!
Meg: Im not a boy!
Jackie Chan: Yes you are.

[flyersrule9733]

Family guy owns:

Peter (In Asiatown): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan! (Asian guy walks away)
Peter (to next Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan! (Asian guy again walks away)
Peter (to another Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan!
Jackie Chan: Great to see I have a fan! Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Peter: No I'm not.
Jackie Chan to Chris: Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Chris: Nope.
Jackie Chan to Meg: Oh my God it's Malcom in Middle!
Meg: Im not a boy!
Jackie Chan: Yes you are.


that was hilarious :agree:

[Warriorlacrosse]

Peter (after Lois tells him he's childish): "If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if i'm going stand here and take this from a pervert."

I like that one a lot to...

[guest57]

stephen hawkings and his wife are argueing and a man turns to brian and says "dont worry i hear the have great make up sex" cut to scene both stephen are in bed in their wheelchairs using their computers to make sex noises "ooo baby you make it so good"

[lacrosse19]

from the movie:

Peter: you know, that really grinds my gears. where in the bible does it say that a man can't fire off some knuckle-children in the privacy of his own neighbor's living room while his neighbor's at work because I don't have a dvd player? well, I don't know where it says it because the bible was way too long to read!

[Jephman]

whats ur favorite quote and episode

mine favorite quote is: (u gootta watch it to totally understand)

Peter (narrating his life): "I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I'd never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I had begun to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with the long fatigue of a weary life. (Lois knocks Peter out.)
I woke several hours later in a daze."


and episode is the fat man strangler, its just hilarious

My favorite quote: Geez, all of them are so good. I like the "Oh Meg, you and your drugs" and anything involving Stewie really like the letter he left to Brian when leaving to London.

Favorite episode: He's too sexy for his fat. That's a good one I think.

[Jephman]

first sry again but i am gonna make my top w/e i feel like of family guy quotes (and no i do not know them by heart:

and bolded are my favorite ones

Stewie: How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.
~
Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total b****.
~
Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did.
Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on.
(They all drink.)
Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife.
(Quagmire and Cleveland drink.)
Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom.
(Only Quagmire drinks.)
****About 33 drinks later****
Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Alligence.
Quagmire: Oh God.
(Quagmire takes a drink.)
Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home a choke me while I touch myself.
Quagmire: Oh come on!
(Quagmire drinks again.)
Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics.
Quagmire: Oh God this is ridiculous. You guys suck! (Drinks more and passes out.)
~
Peter (when he's hungover): This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. (Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur
skeltons.)
Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.

^classic

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.
~
Peter: (Grabs the microphone at a fast food restaurant) Attention restaurant customers: Testicles. That is all.
~
(Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus.)
German Tour Guide: You vill find more on Germany's contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided.
Brian : Yeah, about your pamphlet... uh, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap.
Tour guide: Everyone vas on vacation. On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15...
Brian : Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and...
Tour Guide: We were invited. Punch vas served. Check vit Poland.
Brian : You can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany.
Tour guide: Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
Brian : A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous.
Tour guide: I vill hear no more insinuations about the German people. Nothing bad happened. Sie werden sich hinsetzen. Sie werden ruhig sein. Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland. You will sit down. You will shut up. You will not insult Germany. (Throws his hand up in a Hitler salute.)
Brian : Uh, is that a beer hall?
Tour guide: (Snapping out of it) Oh yes, Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls.
~
Lois: Peter,why are we stopped?
Peter: Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...
Lois: Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!
Peter: Oh that's right...and a kid's meal... and uh,I, I guess I'll have fries...if I have fries is anyone else gonna have any? Cuz,uh I don't wanna be the only one eatin' them... I'll feel like a fatty.
~
Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!


thats just some (and i know i bolded like half of them)

The "I Never" game is hilarious. But honestly, how can a man choose what's the funniest!!!!!!

[dillz18]

Mom why's the cable guy here? - Chris

[Jephman]

Ok meg, lets take a look at your bergina.

I forgot what episode.

It's pergina. Sorry but since she is... well... something, they mixed the male reproductive organ (Pe-) and female (-Rgina).

[ghser99]

The episode tonight where stewie beat brian and then shot him in both knees and then lit him on fire... that was good....
yeah that was sooo funny,

"wheres my money!!"

[flyersrule9733]

(Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus.)
German Tour Guide: You vill find more on Germany's contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided.
Brian : Yeah, about your pamphlet... uh, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap.
Tour guide: Everyone vas on vacation. On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15...
Brian : Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and...
Tour Guide: We were invited. Punch vas served. Check vit Poland.
Brian : You can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany.
Tour guide: Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
Brian : A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous.
Tour guide: I vill hear no more insinuations about the German people. Nothing bad happened. Sie werden sich hinsetzen. Sie werden ruhig sein. Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland. You will sit down. You will shut up. You will not insult Germany. (Throws his hand up in a Hitler salute.)
Brian : Uh, is that a beer hall?
Tour guide: (Snapping out of it) Oh yes, Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls.

i love that, its hilarious, and even better when u watch it.

we were invitied punch vas served, check vit poland

nope, nope, he left to manage a dairy queen

[nylax65]

Another good scene was when Brian was in love with Lois and Brian is at the bar with Peter. It went something like this.
Brian: Peter, I'm in love.
Peter: ... Oh my god... you can talk.

[swish7209]

Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!


the best part is after when they have to give him cpr and peter says AW GAY
the way he says it is the best

[ramslac05]

What about the one where he is at some party and he tries to come up with a fake name and he comes up with "pea-ter griffin" after he seas a pea and a flying griffin.
hahahaha yea

the griffin was so random

[ramslac05]

Tom Tucker: And now time for Ollie Williams with the Black-U-Weather Forecast. Ollie?
Ollie: It gon rain.
Tom Tucker: Thanks, Ollie.

http://newsfly.org/humormedia/news.htm

That is so true at my school.
WHO WANTS THIS DOG!!!

[ramslac05]

when theyre shopping in the grocery store and chris goes to get some milk i think it was and he gets pulled into it and hes in some old music video

lois: chris where have u been
chris: I DONT KNOW!!!!!

[nylax65]

^^ Wow that one is hilarious

[Despise Purity]

On the Petarded episode...:

Timer the Cheese Guy: I got a hankerin for a hunka, a smashin slammin slunka, a hankerin for a hunka cheese! When your get-up-and-go has, got-up-and-gone...

Peter: A yep, pardon me sir, i live next door, it is 330 in the morning, i am very tired

Timer: Look a wagon wheel

Peter: What the hell is your problem

Timer: I just smoked a whole bunch of crack.

[dukelacrosse26]

my favorite quote is

when peter is looking for a job

The Job dude: Sorry its my last day i have just completley checked out
Peter: Oh
The Job dude: Yah
Peter: So do u have any ideas
The Job dude: Uhh... chef?

my fav episode is definatly Clevland-Loretta Quagmire

also when peter is arrested for burning the bar down the cockroach is like good good lol

[Sack_Lax]

*Peter and Lois come out of different bathrooms in the hall wearing the same woman's dress*

Peter: Well... somebodys gonna have to change!
Lois: *glares at Peter*

[laxattack#7]

The whole petoria episode

[aps11691]

"you know who was brave... Ghandi"

Ghandi; "the black people are all like hey *****, and us Indians well we do not call our women in such way"

[aps11691]

Diane simmons; "In other news, I finally got my period."
Tom Tucker; "Well your brother and you must be devastated about the two-headed offspring that could've been"


Lois; Glen hows your athritis?"
Quagmire;"good but ever since you walked in I'm feelin' a little stiff, Gigiddy gigg... O I just pooped a little"

[Falconsmikevick]

When Joe first moves in and goes to Peters co-worker baseball game, and 1 of the outfielders give the other gum and says: "Hah i jsut gave you trick gum, you're now addicted to heroine" and they both laugh and the one who took the gum stops laughing and goes:" I feel so cold"

[flyersrule9733]

the new episode last sunday

flashback: peter talking to his baseball team

peter: i finally found u guys a new assistant coach! he had a clownsuit in his trunk, so i know hes good with kids, and he had a bunch of pictures of little boys in their underwear, so i know he has a medical degree. so im gonna go let him fit u guys for cups in the windowless shed

and i love the other flashbacks, the lord of the rings one and the iceage one

and also when lois is carring stewie and stewie says, "o wow u have gained some weight, ur like a memory foam mattress. *sticks his face on her* HAHA theres my face!!

[crazydrew86]

my favorite is when stewey try's to kill all of peters sperm

[pole15]

When Jerry Garcia says something about talking to a nerf ball (Stewie).

[PCHSlax5]

My names Willfred Brimley and i have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and causes me to be short with my family. The other day i stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. Last week we ran out of vinalla ice cream and i struck my wife. Then I found out my wifes been dead for 6 years. Who the hell did i hit???

haha that one really gets me because our goalie for hockey always says it and he actually has diabetes. Plus it makes fun of that fat guy who does the liberty comercials during Price Is Right all the time.

#100!!!!

[PNHSlax03]

From the movie, This reminds of that one episode of the shield.
Detective walks into an office, turns around and sees a ball sack
The man says "Detective Scrouts, i thought i told i never wanted to see you again". That gets me every time

[Krypt0M4g!c]

I love how the creators of the show make fun of anything and everything, kind of like south park, but on a level down on the crudeness (but funnier) I think it's funny how the creators make fun of every religion (makes fun of christianity the most)

It is a pretty random show indeed.

[flyersrule9733]

i heard the new south park tonight makes fun of family guy. if it does, its gonna be hilarious

[dillz18]

Peter what is this?
Duh, it's an apple.
*brian throws apple at peter and it starts orbiting him*
Hey is this some kind of trick?
Peter, your so fat you have your own gravitational pull!

[flyersrule9733]

if im so fat how could i do this with a hula hoop?
*sqeezes into hula hoop then starts dancing*

[ghs/wylax]

the title of tonights south park is "Cartoon Wars" I wonder what they'll say about Family Guy..

[ekajsk8er]

i heard the new south park tonight makes fun of family guy. if it does, its gonna be hilarious
I was just going to say this. I've been waiting for them to do it, concidering the simpsons and family guy have been having a war for a couple years now. I'm surprised it took south park this long to do something about it.

[flyersrule9733]

I've been waiting for them to do it, concidering the simpsons and family guy have been having a war for a couple years now.

its not a war at all. they make fun of the other show in only an episode or two. and they are both owned by fox, so they can make fun of each other, but im pretty sure south park had to get rights from fox to use the characters in a show

[iplaylax22]

dont watch it but a friend was teling me about a guy that claimed he could say all 50 states in one second "NAR" dONT ASK I DIDNT REALLY GET IT EITHER.

[BTlaxripper]

I was just going to say this. I've been waiting for them to do it, concidering the simpsons and family guy have been having a war for a couple years now. I'm surprised it took south park this long to do something about it.

They do make fun of them in the newest episode. Cartman ends up getting enraged that everyone compares his humor to that of "Family Guy" and this dialogue ensues between him and Kyle:

"I am nothing like Family Guy! When I make jokes, they are inherent to a story; deep, situational, and emotional jokes based on what is relevant and has a point; not just one random interchangable joke after another!"

If you don't understand the symbolism, well. . .

Basically Cartman is speaking for the South Park writers, because their humor IS situational and original, and is dripping in satire. Family Guy humor is bland and are just jokes that have nothing to do with a story -- which is why there is basically no continuity.

South Park, 1. Family Guy, 0. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EnnkO-M26wU&search=family%20guy)
Shows how stupid Family Guy story lines are, AND throws a double punch when they make fun of themselves for how they rag on everybody.

Entire episode (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jqgn6DlZPoQ&search=family%20guy)
They also make fun of getting episodes pulled - like the Scientology episode.

The only funny thing Family guy ever did (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9mcDlKA_14&search=family%20guy%20take%20on%20me)
Just because it's so old that few people will get it, and the song is awesome, and the replication is near perfect.

If you don't understand it. . .

This should explain it (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F651ah6HsTE&search=family%20guy%20take%20on%20me)
The song is great, first off, but the video was so revolutionary.

[Attackalltheway]

My favorite was the one when peter predicts the apocaylyps and he starts a twinke town