Controlling the Kids

[laxbabe2121]

i coach a 5th and 6th grade girls lacrosse team in my spare time, and i'm pretty good with kids. i did it last year with a different team, but this teams more... "bad". its kids from the.. uhh not so glamorous side of town unlike my team the year before. i took the job, cuz i thought i could change them around, and i did for a little while. I got a complaint from a parent saying that i yelled at her girl, so yea i apologized even though her girl hadn't been at practice for the past 2 weeks, so there was no way i could have yelled at her. and i understand that a lot of these parents are divorced, and working 2 jobs, and they can't drive their kids to practice all the time, so i don't make that big of a deal about it when they don't show up to practice. i guess that parent told others, buecase now there's like 5 parents that always ask their kids if i yelled at them during practice, or if i singled them out during practice. and if i do, they instantly e-mail me about it. at thurs practice, some of them didn't wanna play anymore, beucase it was "to hot" so i told them they could go sit in the shade while i worked with the other girls, and they ran off to the PLAYGROUND!! i was like WHAT THE hell. but i didn't say anything, cuz i didn't wanna get in more trouble by the parents. at the end of practice, they came back, and i was just like practice is over, wait for your parents to come get you. WHAT THE HECK DO I DO NOW!?!??! i'm scared this teams gonna lose control. sometimes i wish i had just stayed with coaching the rich kids. they were so obedient, and always worked their hardest, and became an undefeated team.

[LatinBabe]

I have never seen at an effective coach who didnt scream/curse/swear in my life. Even in elementry school. By the way that the parents were acting i would have guessed that they was rich. Usually the rich parents all the snotty ones who cant stand having their kids being yelled at. And the uhh... not so fortunate families usually dont give much of a damn for their kids and dont have the time to worry considering, as you said, they are working multiple jobs and are stressed as it is.

But what to do, my guess would be to have the parents gather for a parent meeting and work something out at them. The worst thing you could do is to let the parents walk all over you. heck, most of the coaches i know, at any sport, listen to what the parents have to say then do something completely different b/c the parents havnt a clue as to what they are talking about. Call a meeting, tell them at times it is NECESSARY to call them out and to scream at them. There are only so many ways to coach kids, and most of them arnt effective. Tell the parents that unless they dont want their youngsters to learn lacrosse, then they need to loosen up and let YOU toughen up.

just my 2 ¢

[WarriorLax22]

give them crack or a gun.

[LatinBabe]

Originally posted by WarriorLax22
give them crack or a gun.
Laxbabe, do you want to do the honors?

seriously, crime is too common as it is...

Another thought would be to keep screaming at them anyways, or atleast keep from running off to the playground. I mean, sheesh, you have to have SOME control.

[Snuffilufigas22]

That sucks, what little ****s. But what Latinbabe said I think would work but then you always got to think. How many of the parents are actually going to show up? With their jobs and everything. You are in a rough situation, but you are a COACH and not a BABYSITTER. These kids need to understand that they cant just go play on the playground and that they are there to play lacrosse. You do need to take control and you cant just let the parents walk ll over you.

[LatinBabe]

send an e-mail and have the parents search through their calender. OR you can write a VERY well thought-out e-mail to each and every parent saying how you thank them for the opportunity to teach their kids, but how for everyone to get the most out of the experience some things just HAVE to give.

[laxbabe2121]

these are 5th and 6th graders, you know how they tell their parents everything. i'm not gonna cuss in front of them, but i don't scream... i just demand that they run sprints and stuff. the girls don't like it, they tell mom and dad.

[Snuffilufigas22]

Thats stupid, just tell them to buck up.

[SheepShank]

Why are they at practice, if they don't wanna play lacrosse in the first place?

I don't really have much of an answer to your question, because teaching kids who don't want to learn is very hard. If only there was some sort of way to bribe them. But even if there was you shouldn't have to because they should be out there because they love the game, not because they were signed up for it.






(side note: this could go under the coaching forum)

[attacklax]

just slap them around a little, im sure they will learn




jk of course, although nothin is bad with tough love

[LatinBabe]

hey... my track/volleyball coach cussed and swore at us everyday. our parents werent too happy until we won the district championship undefeated.....


and i was in 4rth grade...

[LaxGoalieLZ]

I say you talk to all the parents and tell them that as a coach if there kids are messing up that you are going to tell them what they did wrong and that getting yelled as a part of life and that they are just gonna have to get over it and grow up a little. I konw there in 5th 6th grade but come one it isnt that big of a deal. Then say if you dont like that than your Son/Daughter has no place on the team and that you will be teaching them that quiting is alright. If they quit big deal its there loss and fault you can have a bettter team because the people who want to play will not complain as much

[powellfan1]

I'd just discipline them a bit. If one of them "gets too hot", tell them to go get a drink and come back. Never let them just stop. If they still say they are too hot and show no signs of dehydration, tell them to get over it. Then if the parents complain, tell them the same thing that laxgoalie just said.

[LiveAtWoodstock]

They complain they do push-ups. it's that simple. we did 70 pushups just cause of stupid kids complaining aloud about sprints. Then we got more sprints. We dont complain anymore. Or just talk to the parents if they even want to listen to you.

[smitt5168]

put them in goal.

i coach my little brothers team sometimes, i have no prbolemlet them play goalie if they complain. they don't want to run, i'll warm them up in the net instead. no running there. but now that i'm there, i've never seen some of the fat kids run so fast in my life.

[a_nik_02]

Originally posted by LiveAtWoodstock
They complain they do push-ups. it's that simple. we did 70 pushups just cause of stupid kids complaining aloud about sprints. Then we got more sprints. We dont complain anymore. Or just talk to the parents if they even want to listen to you.

Laps work really well too. They complain that its too hot let them get a drink and then they run laps.....my team complained much less if they knew that they would run laps all the time!

[WestSideLa X eR]

Originally posted by smitt5168
put them in goal.

i coach my little brothers team sometimes, i have no prbolemlet them play goalie if they complain. they don't want to run, i'll warm them up in the net instead. no running there. but now that i'm there, i've never seen some of the fat kids run so fast in my life.

hahaha

laxbabe---dont cuss, but you can be strict....be really energetic
and dont take any sh$t from your players

[TheKOB]

The players have to respect your authority. Let 'em know that if they don't, they run.

You: Alright, enough, 4 laps
Players: Aww, it's too hot out/not fair/we'll get dehydrated
You: Ok, water break
(after water break)
You: Alright, 6 laps!

They have to respect your authority, there's no reason to show up to practice and waste time on them. Also, let the parents know that if their child acts up, the whole team'll run. Running is part of the sport. If the parents don't like it, then they can pull their kids out. Also, you might want to let the team know (through the captains) about the new policy...no excuses.

You can't inject motivation and dedication into a team, that has to come from them. It's not worth your time if they're just going to mess around. If they came to play, then they'll play. If not, then they're just taking up space in the scorebook.

[spenny]

LB, having coached girls soccer, and now boys lax. there's a HUGE difference in how girls and boys relate to teammates and coaches (but i'm sure you knew that already) what works with boys wont work at all with girls.

first, i'm prett sure we coach in the same rec league (nvyll do you have a team comissioner? if so, let them handle most of the parents. that's why they are there. especially since they will be an adult (no offense intended, i'm just fairly sure you are still in HS, no?)

there are several books on drills, invest in one, or better yet make your club invest in one. the best way ive found to keep players motivated is dont give them time to get bored. this means that you will have to plan practices ahead of time, but that you wont have to waste time trying to decide what to do next. the other thing you need to do is make sure that the drills do go on too long, they may really need to work on thir catching, but endless line drills get boring. fast. come up with contests. an example is one of my favorite drills, musical groundballs, (think musical chairs) i line up 6 guys, put 5 balls in my stick and chuck them down field as far as i can. the guy who comes back w/o a ball runs. i love this drill it teaches ground balls, body position, checking, dodging. and its a CONDITIONING drill!

you will find gems like that.

i havent done this yet, but a HUGELY sucssful youth coach one told me that he has a bunch of drills written out on index cards, and when the kids start to lose focus, he an very quicly look at the cards and pick a drill that gets them re-focused

Kevin, i have to disagree with some of what you are saying. with little kids, (and i mean even up to my 7th & 8th graders) you cant expct them to motivate themselves all the time. you need to motivate them. we also have rules that all kids must play a certain portion of each game.
youth lacrosse is about kids learning the game and having fun. it works like a classroom. you even have to teach the kids that want to burn their books.

i tell my guys that they are having krusty's playtime compared to what HS will be like.

LB, lastly. good for you for coaching. i know we always need more coaches, and i asume its the same for your club. so i know you are letting kids play that otherwise wouldnt. even if just a couple of those girls keep playing you will have doen them and the sport a huge service, so dont get down on yourself. you may want to go back to your old team until you have more coaching experience and want the challenge of a less motivated team.
one of my friends who i have coached with is now trying to put together a team on non-english speaking players. hows that for a challenge?

one last, last thing. ask local coaches for advice and help, they are a great resource. and every january the potomac US lacrosse chapter has a coaches clinic at marymount univ in arlington

moderator, can you move this thread to the coaching section?
thanks,

[TheKOB]

Sorry, I guess I didn't read closely enough as to the age of the players. I went off thinking it was high school.

I guess the question is if it boils down to boredom/motivation, or if there are some disipline issues. Both should be addressed quite differently.

[Thrillhouse]

5th and 6th graders are hard. Some of them are old enough to take it seriously, some of them aren't, and I don't want to start a whole social/political "thing", but most of the parents you are describing will find any excuse for their childs bad behavior as long as it doesn't involve their poor parenting skills.
I had a high school coach who had a good way of keeping everyone in line.
Whenever someone messed up, they had to run. The second time they messed up, the whole team had to run. Everytime that person messed up after that, everyone had to run, EXCEPT THE PERSON WHO MESSED UP! That person had to stand next to the coach and cheer for us as we ran by. After that, the problem would pretty much take care of itself. It's a team sport and kids have to learn that they hurt the whole team when they mess around.
I don't know if that's going to work for your kids, but I thought I'd put it out there.

[spenny]

Originally posted by Thrillhouse
I had a high school coach who had a good way of keeping everyone in line.
Whenever someone messed up, they had to run. The second time they messed up, the whole team had to run. Everytime that person messed up after that, everyone had to run, EXCEPT THE PERSON WHO MESSED UP! That person had to stand next to the coach and cheer for us as we ran by. After that, the problem would pretty much take care of itself. It's a team sport and kids have to learn that they hurt the whole team when they mess around.
I don't know if that's going to work for your kids, but I thought I'd put it out there.

TH, i think that's one that works great on boys, (i use it) but i think it would not go over well with girls at all.

i'll let LB comment on that, since she's the she and we are hes.

[Snuffilufigas22]

Originally posted by spenny
an example is one of my favorite drills, musical groundballs, (think musical chairs) i line up 6 guys, put 5 balls in my stick and chuck them down field as far as i can. the guy who comes back w/o a ball runs. i love this drill it teaches ground balls, body position, checking, dodging. and its a CONDITIONING drill!


Its drills like that, that make me hate practice. Just kidding, but that drill sounds rough, doesn't anyone ever get hurt? I know I could check and cheat like crazy at the other end so I didn't have to run. But thats out-of-shape/ not-conditioned me.

[laxbabe2121]

i tried being tough on them, we did one on ones, attacker scored, defender ran to this tree and back, about 200 meters, if the attacker dropped the ball, the attacker would run to the tree and back. it was good for about 2 times through, then all hell broke loose with complaining. our commisioner doesn't handle the parents, he has enough stuff to do, and URG. we won another game, so i guess as long as we're winning everyones happy.

[LatinBabe]

seriously, if all hell breaks loose grab your cellphone and start callin their moms right in front of them. tell the parents that if their kids wont put forth any effort then your going to send them home.

[laxbabe2121]

problem is. they wanna go home. these girls aren't cute little ones anymore... they're like SKANKS. they're wearing like tight little belly shirts to practice, and short cheer shorts! my gosh! its.. gotten outta control, but i guess as long as they're having fun.

[LatinBabe]

do what any other coach does... bench them. you said they are having fun... then if they dont change, you know what has to. are there ANY who actually work and participate? if so, find away to award them and make it obvious to the others that they get something for trying.

[spenny]

Originally posted by Snuffilufigas22
Its drills like that, that make me hate practice. Just kidding, but that drill sounds rough, doesn't anyone ever get hurt? I know I could check and cheat like crazy at the other end so I didn't have to run. But thats out-of-shape/ not-conditioned me.

actually my favorite part of the drill is that the guys that win get the most running.

[spenny]

Originally posted by laxbabe2121
i tried being tough on them, we did one on ones, attacker scored, defender ran to this tree and back, about 200 meters, if the attacker dropped the ball, the attacker would run to the tree and back. it was good for about 2 times through, then all hell broke loose with complaining. our commisioner doesn't handle the parents, he has enough stuff to do, and URG. we won another game, so i guess as long as we're winning everyones happy.

LB, i'm sorry your commisioner isnt doing that. it would make your life a lot easier. my advice to you is finish out this year, and you will have learned a lot about yourself as a coach and next year go back to your old kids. you should get to have fun, too.

PS, LB, i saw the westfield boys team beat some of my youth program alums last week.

[Thrillhouse]

You're not a baby sitter. All the time you have to spend dealing with the kids who complain and don't want to be there takes time away from the kids to love the game and want to learn from you.
I would suggest telling them at the end of the season that you would like to come back, but you'll need the power to kick kids off the team if they don't listen to you.
Any games yet?

[spenny]

Originally posted by Thrillhouse
You're not a baby sitter. All the time you have to spend dealing with the kids who complain and don't want to be there takes time away from the kids to love the game and want to learn from you.
I would suggest telling them at the end of the season that you would like to come back, but you'll need the power to kick kids off the team if they don't listen to you.
Any games yet?

unfortunatley youth lacrose doesnt work that way. yes you can kick a kid off the team, but its not like HS lax. here the parents are paying money for the kids to play. you have to have a pretty good reason. the truth of the matter is that we really are babysitters. these kids, 11-12 in LBs case, 13-14 for me are just kids. once you get to HS its a different coaching world.

next year. go back to the old group. but keep coaching, there are kids and parents out there that will really appreciate what you are doing. plus we have had to turn away boys and girls (especially girls) for lack of coaches.

[Thrillhouse]

Never looked at it that way. I can understand why she's frustrated.

[laxbabe2121]

i can understand why they don't like lacrosse, i found out today, that least season they were 0-11. that would make anyone hate the sport, especially when you're young. they're 2-0 as of now, and we literally demolish our teams with the scores being 9-3 and then 15-4. spenny- our varsity boys team? i know they played a tournament thingie at.. some place over a weekend, i'll ask one of my guy friends about it that's on the team.

[laxbabe2121]

i finally realized how to control my kids. Just have them play the game, and don't worry about maintaining controll over them. you have to sorta lure them into the sport. they're like natural rebels, so i just put on that i don't care attitude, and it completely worked, and now me and my kids are so cool with each other. we won another game this weekend! 3-0 now! look for my team in a future issue of lacrosse magazine! they came and interviewed a few of us!

[sumSum]

YEA!

GO ELLEN AND HER FABULOUS COACHING SKILLS!

[LaxGoalie28]

try to motivate them in some way

[laxdude123a]

everytime we act up coach makes us run a lap and i think its very affective!

[samaworks]

let them know who is boss i know it is a little late but the very first practice dont take any crap form anyone, lay a standard down that when you are talking no one is talking and if they do a punishment must be put on them a lap or something, if a parent comes up to you tell them that there kid is acting up in practice (if they are) make sure the parents know you are there for help and that when you yell at someone you are only speaking loud enough so they can hear, remember you are probably a good 20 yds away from them. And if a kid messes up on a drill or does something wrong don't just yell at the kid, tell everyone on the team so you dont single any one out. If the kids want to play they will show up if don't let them go, your are not a mom you are a coach and a disciplinarian. i hope it helps even though you already have a lot of information

[prisoner]

You are not a mom or a babysitter, but you also shouldnt be a disciplinarian, not at this age group. Coaching is about motivating and teaching through good leadership. With kids at this age, boys or girls, you have to keep things fun and interesting. If it is not they will get bored and wont listen or play well or will just quit the team.

I was a camp counselor for 3 years (ages 5-9) and I coached a youth team that was co-ed (but under boy's lacrosse rules). Kids at this age need to be motivated. They aren't serious athletes and are playing the sport because their parents made them, their friends play, or they are looking for something fun to do. Too much punishment means practice is no longer fun and they wont want to come; if they do come they will feel helpless and will practice poorly.

I found the most effective way to control kids was to ally yourself with the parents. Talk to them, meet with them, let them know that what you are doing is not only the norm, but good for their kid's lacrosse game. Invite them to watch practice if they aren't sold. Eventually, the kids will realize that whining to their parents will get them nothing. Once you have the parents' trust the kids will get the reinforcement for your "authority" at home and at practice. Sounds like you are doing well with them, good luck.

[CTLaxer]

Wow, I'm astonished at some of the responses I just read as well as some of the comments/thoughts from the original poster.

First of all, that's a TERRIBLE attitude to have regarding your kids. If you think the "ghetto" kids are so bad and don't have what it takes because they don't have money, then you're the one that doesn't have what it takes and don't deserve the opportunity to coach. That kind of attitude is what perpetuates stereotypes and whether you believe it or not, your attitude shows through to parents and kids by your actions and what you say to them. Every kid deserves an equal chance. Every kid wants to be good at the things they do. No child can choose the economic success of their parents nor can they choose who they were born to or where they live.

Secondly, dealing with parents is the worst part of coaching. I suggest you keep a record of all the things individual kids are doing. Such as "Liz: 4-19-05 complained about being too hot, refused to participate, ran to playground instead" Document all the stuff your kids do and say so when a parent does complain about something you did or said to their kid, you have a record of everything their kid did and you can tell them what they're doing. Another thing I suggest is have them watch practice. What they hear at the end of the day from their kid and what they see with their own eyes will be two different things and it will either make them shut up or it will make then have a talk with their kid about poor attitude performance.

Thirdly, set ground rules for your kids. Sit them down, talk about rules and talk about what you expect from them. Then discuss what the consequences will be if they do not follow your rules and expectations. From what you've said, you appear to be very wishy washy and let them do a lot of things and do not have a constant set of rules you fall back on/abide by. Kids at that age need structure and set guidlines to follow.

Fourthly, if you want to keep their mouths shut and stop them from slacking off and complaining, do not give them the opportunity. Come to practice every day with a set plan and a sheet of paper containing all the drills you will do. A practice plan will help you stay organized, and it will keep practice moving along smoothly. Keep as many kids moving and doing something at once. Doing 15mins of 1v1's is worthless at that age because for a minute they'll pay attention and then for the rest of the time they won't care because you have 2 girls going at once and then 20 others just standing there looking for ways to entertain themselves. An example of this would be shuttles to start practice off. Instead of doing shuttles do box passing with 3 or 4 balls. In shuttles, if you have 2 lines goin at once you have 4 girls moving at once. In box passing drill with 4 balls you have 8 girls going at once and another 4 going every 2-3 seconds. It keeps them focused and keeps everyone moving.

Also, focus on game like drills and game like situations. It will make your life easier because it will keep their attention focused, as well as cut down on all the things you have to teach them. Make games and competitions out of drills.

Lastly, when working with kids of that age, it's tough. You are a babysitter and you are a teacher. You need to have a set plan every day that keeps them moving around, keeps them occupied, keeps their attention focused as well as keeps them learning the game. You need to make practice fun, otherwise they won't care. Playing actual games doesn't motivate this age group as it does high school. Also, just running them if they mess up or doing the same things that your high school team does won't work. Infact it will have the opposite effect and make them hate you, hate practice, and hate lacrosse.

Good luck in your season and your situation. I hope it all works out and your kids get rewarded with a fantastic season as well as you get rewarded with the joy of coaching.

[The Hitman]

I hear ya LaxBabe. I coach boys 5th & 6th graders currently. Even though it's my first year coaching Lax, I've coached other sports from 5 year olds up to college girls.

I have 2 recommendantions:

1) Parents & players meeting at the beginning of each season letting them know the expectations, what you won't allow, how the season will work, etc. I find having told everyone up front, they are not surprised when you have to 'discipline' their kids. I've made kids call their parents to pick them up when they've forgotten equipment, used foul language, or just misbehaved and not only has NO ONE given me any grief, one parent grounded his son for another 2 games because of his language!!!

2) You need a 2nd coach. There's a lot of energy in that age group. Put sticks in their hands and with the boys they become jousting competitions, light sabers, etc. It's hard for one person to coach and babysit at the same time. (Unfortunately, there's some babysitting involved with that age group & younger too!)

Good luck!

[girlslaxdad]

I tend to agree with CTLaxer, yelling at them and punishing them will not work. It is also rare to find the kid who thinks "practicing the fundamentals is fun!"

Set the ground rules and don't give them slack. If they get out or line punish the whole team. Run to the tree and back.

When they start to loose focus change up the drill. Turn it into a game, set it up differently, or just do work on a different skill.

Sometimes giving them something to look forward to will help, "if you guys stay with me for 5 more minutes we can scrimmage"

Lastly, if what you say is true and their parents don't have time for them, you might be the only adult in who does! Be patient, caring, but firm.