Very weird situation with my coach

[D Bay]

Ok, so I have been very frustrated with my coach mostly since the beginning of the year because of a few things. One thing is how he puts in a kid who's not nearly as good as I am instead of me sheerly because of the fact that he is friends with his dad, who was a pretty good player at Navy. This has been really frustrating, because almost everyone on the team recognizes this and agrees that I should be starting. Well, as you might imagine, there are some negative vibes between my coach and I because of this, not to mention the fact that he likes to blame things on me that I have nothing to do with. Don't feel like going into too many details here, but that was just some background information for you.
Ok, so, today at practice, a friend of mine who coach seems to see no wrong in (even though we're good friends, this can frustrate me at times, too) throws the ball way over my head twice in a row when we're working on fast breaks. The second time, I go, "hey man, throw it lower next time, alright?" (not in a nasty way at all) and coach says (to me), " There was nothing wrong with that pass or the last one, you need to be catching those! Do you have a problem with that pass?". Well, this really was the straw that broke the camel's back. I replied, "yeah, coach, I do have a problem with it, it was way too high!". **Side note, at this time I had been taking this stuff pretty much every day from him without ever talking back or anything** At this point, he says, "you know what, just go run a lap right now". I said, "sure coach, I'll run as many as you want" (in a nasty sarcastic tone, I'll admit)admit. So I get back from a lap around the track, and he calls me up to him. He then says, "you know what, just run 2 now. One for talking back to me, and one for trash-talking your team mate". I just say alright, and run 2 more. When I get back, he calls me over to him and just tells me what I did. I'm just standing there listening, because there's really nothing to say. Then he tells me to go get a drink, cool off, and come back to work on fast breaks some more. I do so, and he keeps me in 1st,2nd, and 3rd line's rotations, and I make a few nice plays. After dodging a guy and ripping a shot upper 90, he says, "I figure if you're that pissed off, you must really wanna show me something". After practice, he tells me he's making me captain for tommorrow's game. Weird stuff, or what? I don't know if he intends to keep me starting or what now, but I'm really not sure what he's thinking here. Anyone have any idea what's going through his head and what he may want me to be doing to get that starting spot if I don't keep it from now on?

[faceitoff]

Maybe he sees your potential and is pushing you? We had a coach who would do the same thing to me as your coach did, except ten times worse. He made me cry every game. But it took him to resign from being coach for me to realize it.

As for you not starting, you can't blame him. Well, you can for him being unfair, but have you ever seen movies where the coach takes a kid out and his dad gets all pissed off and yells at the coach? Yeah.

[goalieskcickay]

Maybe he is pissing you off on purpose and not playing you when he should to push you to your potential?

There's this story about a great student, who always got A's with very little effort. Then in one english class, she gets a 78 on all her tests. She starts working incredibly hard, making each paper better than the last, but she still gets 78s. She at last complains to the teacher, who tells her "I only gave you bad grades because I knew you wouldn't reach your potential otherwise."
She got an A+ in the class.

[waynelaxgrl101]

that is definantly a coach who is trying to piss you off on purpose, to make you want the spot even more, and make you work harder. he prob. sees your potential, and sees that you have the determination to be one of the best players on the team, and is trying to push you there.

[Pitibear]

as a coach who (I think) has been on the other side of this...

1. you did a very good job of describing your viewpoint.

2. Keep in mind that the reason the coach chose to start another player had nothing to do with you. His reason (kid of a friend?) is weak, but that reason has nothing to do with you. He wasn't thinking "you or him," when he decided to start the other player. You didn't come into the picture. This does not diminish your ability and you must not let it do so in your own self-evaluation.

3. Coaches really don't piss players off to "push them to greater heights of performance," that's for the movies. A coach does, however, seek to challenge players to always do more than they are capable of...sometimes that might look like he is just trying to piss off a player, but that really, really is not the situation.

what do you do?

4. keep on keepin' on...play your best, always play like you want to do better than you ever have before.

5. Don't get mad at your coach, no matter how maddening his behavior might be to you. Keep doing your best, no argument...no matter how mad you feel, a non-sarcastic, calm-yet-enthusiastic, "Okay, coach." is exactly what he needs to hear right now, as your response to everything.

6. From what you described, I have a hard time trying to figure out his motivation and behavior...but...he does have a good reason for doing what he's doing, you and I just can't see it, yet.

7. The captaincy is not an olive branch. He's not making up for treating you badly. Again, this is something that you just don't see yet. Take it as a leader. You deserve it.

8. go to the coach, ask to speak to him in private, and deliver the following:

"Coach, I need you to tell me how I can get better at everything. I need you to tell me everything you think I'm doing wrong. Don't hold back, no pulled punches, let me have ebverything you think I need to do better. Please help me out here, I value your criticism."

If you listen to him, you will find that your viewpoint and his are probably on different wavelengths. You see the exact same things from totally different perspectives. Then you will see the ironic thing is that you both believe in the same things, the same objectives, you both want the same thing.

Other than confront the coach in this coach-captain criticism/conversation situation, it sounds like you have done a good job of "playing through the problem." In spite of what you felt was unfair treatment, you continued to play your best, and you took it all (mostly) in stride. Keep that up. You are showing your teammates that you support the coach, and that you are a team player, even if you disagree with something the coach is doing...sound like a team leader? a captain?

I am very interested in how this comes out from your viewpoint...please keep us posted on what develops in the future.

Keep up your hard work.

[spenny]

for good measure, you all should go back and read pitibears post again.
because hes right on target

[nptlaxgoalie121]

i had a coach like that except he wasnt my coach when i was a freshman i was in his class and he was the varsity coach and he used to rip on me and make fun of me all the time and at the end of the year he said to me "hey you took so much abuse from me and i don't know why. I was trying to light a fire under your *** because you are better then the starting goalie and i figured if i pissed you off enough you would show your coach something." what i learned about my freshman coach was he didnt like a man who took risks because i like to run out of the net and get a gb i have been known to take the ball up field from time to time although never have i gotten myself in a situation i couldnt get out of.

hope my story helped good luck with your coach

[Pitibear]

I forgot one of my most cherished cliches:

"...the coach never yells at a player who will never be great."

please give me the footnote if you quote me...

[goalieskcickay]

I forgot one of my most cherished cliches:

"...the good coach never yells at a player who will never be great."

please give me the footnote if you quote me...

I fixed it for you. :chuckle:
I know coaches who will yell at you regardless of your talent or work-ethic. Most
are just projecting their frustrations onto the people they have power over...

[laxfolife24]

I am so confused right now. The reason that kid is playing above you is because of POLITICS. They are everywere and you just have to learn to get used to them. By telling you that you will be captain the following day he might be mocking you. I don't know though, this might be something you would want to talk over with him.

[_SLY_]

I am so confused right now. The reason that kid is playing above you is because of POLITICS. They are everywere and you just have to learn to get used to them. By telling you that you will be captain the following day he might be mocking you. I don't know though, this might be something you would want to talk over with him.


that's exactly what i was thinking..

he seems like he's mocking you by basically saying "well if you're so angry, why don't you show me what you've got"

[Pitibear]

if that's the case, then the coach needs to respect the player, but it doesn't change that he is trying to challenge a good player to do more, even if somewhat misguidedly...

having re-read this thread, I really want to push my advice above on this...

D-Bay pm'd me back and let me know that the coach was pretty even with him during the ensuing game...here's hoping that the good work and good results continue.

[RedCisc]

D Bay,

As a coach, I agree entirely with everything PBear said to you. I admire you for learning the lessons of life, sucking it up, and not quitting.

Get ready - this is only a game. Wait until these very same things happen to you at work and the result affects your $$$ and your family.

No one on my team will ever play this game for $. I use sports as a training ground for life. I tell my team that they only have to put up with me for 4 years. They may have to live with a bad boss for 40 years.

My addition to PBear is, now as a Capt., you and your coach have to be closer (buddies/coworkers) than ever b4. Open and honest communication, no matter how gut wrenching, is necessary to make your team successful.

Forget about your future boss, someday you sare going to have to do this stuff with your spouse - ha! Good luck.

[breakastick]

i had a coach once in 9th grade was my wrestling coach, but this guy pushed me harder then anyone else in the room like made me stay after for an hour to work and he pushed me hard, and it sucked and i watned to quit, but he didnt come back to coach the next year, and there was no one to push me and you know what it made me a better player i might have hated him all that season but when he was gone it made me realize that the pushing had made me better and i needed to continue on my own with the right attitude to succeed take that into account

[hulllaxplayer]

he probably didnt think you were playing up to your potential...and then you did so he made you captain

[TRELAX]

look, he treats you like crap because he's pushing you. same thing happened to me in high school. he saw a little potential and a little laziniess and he pushed the crap out of me. now i made it to play college lax and i really owe a lot of it to him for pushing me so hard. feel kinda bad for my little brother though, he's a froshy at my alma mater this year and i hear he gets it like i did, but he doesnt respond the same way...
anywho, let him test you, know in your head its all a test and keep pushing. itll make you a great player.

[jimd619]

Great post Pitibear. D Bay, of course we cannot say what is really happening here, there are unfair coaches. So a conversation with your coach may be important to understand what he is seeking from you. Give you an example, and let me underscore I am NOT saying this is you. My son loves to go to the crease as a middie. Moves well, but he misses a fair number of feeds when cutting hard. Everytime he blames the feeder. Sometimes he is right, but I videotaped him. What I was able to show was that a) he kept his stick too low. So slight high feeds became very high feeds. And b) also demonstrated he was picking the ball up too late and not adjusting. Often not coming at the feeder but across without adjusting speed.

I am just saying the coach may see little things you do not, or it may appear you are not trying when perhaps it is simply not picking up the ball as quickly as you might if you focus? That conversation would be good, good luck.

[D Bay]

Wow, just to update you guys, this stuff continued until friday, and I just took it and didn't say anything. It's really really hard to take it and just let people make fun of you without even being allowed to say anything for fear of getting in trouble and/or losing the miniscule amount of playing time I was getting (which grew less as the games went on, too). On friday, after a terrible week of a lot of being yelled at and not played and insulted by the coaches, I was insulted once more. I won't go into details about the conflict, but it was sort of the straw that broke the camel's back. I went off on him, quit the day before the state tournament, and I haven't felt better all season. Most of my teammates thought it was a good thing that I finally stood up for myself and didn't continue to let him say the kind of crap he would say to me just to piss me off and make me run just for his entertainment. I feel great on one hand, but on the other hand, I was so determined to stick with it, so it sort of dissappoints me that I didn't follow through with it. Anyway, I can't wait for next year, with surely much better coaching (it couldn't possibly be any worse, so it could only go uphill from there)

[ColtsLax]

no offense Dbay, but by quiting, you probally shot your chances of ever playing again. The coach may take that as a personal insult and NEVER play you. Hope you get a new coach.

[D Bay]

no offense Dbay, but by quiting, you probally shot your chances of ever playing again. The coach may take that as a personal insult and NEVER play you. Hope you get a new coach.
I'm playing on a different team next year, so no worries...

[Murph the Pole]

way to not bend over and take it anymore danny lol

[CHSlax]

from experience he probly sees potential in you and is trying to push you to it. I have a bunch of college and high school coaches who coach my summer team. and no matter what i do will get yelled at somehow some way. If I score or w/e this is true 98% of the time and yea its very fustrating because there are time more than anything i would love to hear "nice goal" or "good play way to see that guy cutting." But that practically never comes but i know they're doing it cuz they see something in me and want me to reahc my potential so i just take it cuz i know its in my best interest.