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View Full Version : New Poem of mine...


LaxCrazy17
04-21-2006, 07:42 AM
Here's to all the laughs and here's to all the tears.
Here's to all the time spent together these last four years.
Our high school years have gone by so fast,
It's hard to believe that soon, they'll be a part of our past.

We came here together, most of us unprepared.
We were all a little worried, we were all a little scared.
There were times we felt alone, times we felt sad.
But it took times like those to realize what we had.

We've learned how to love, we've learned how to care.
We've learned when in doubt, someone would always be there.
Good times like Homecoming and Prom have made it fun,
But it things like losing friends have united us as one.

We've kept up old traditions, and started a few of our own.
People tried to bring us down, but still our pride was shown.
The memories we've shared, the times we've spent together,
They will stay with us always because goodbye is not forever.

I have a project going on, I'm writing new stuff and giving it to the school. I wrote this one yesterday. I think I'm going to give it to the libarary. But I don't know.. What do you think?

the next 'one'
04-21-2006, 07:52 AM
its good, but the rythmness is kinda choppy. you could take out or add some words to make it read better

LaxCrazy17
04-21-2006, 07:55 AM
Yea, I should probably edit this, its probably going to be the first of many revisions. This is just the oringial copy.

Live4It
04-21-2006, 08:21 AM
Its really good but I would change the fourth line down, and like the next 'one' said take out somewords to make it read better.

LCNlaxman
04-21-2006, 08:24 AM
its good, but the rythmness is kinda choppy. you could take out or add some words to make it read better

Quoted for truth.

Other than rythm, it's good.

LaxCrazy17
04-21-2006, 09:54 AM
it's good, thanks for your help! I do see your creative genius going on. lol. I haven't had the chance to edit it totally yet, but I will. I like your version too, I'll think about using it for myself. I just might.

Live4It
04-21-2006, 09:55 AM
The first part sounds way better that way.

LaxCrazy17
04-21-2006, 09:59 AM
The first part sounds way better that way.

it does sound better, it flows more. I like the new version and the more I look at it, the more I think I'll use it in my project. This project is just someting I'm doing before I graduate, its not for school or anything.