MN HS lax getting sanctioned speech

[wilsontopowell]

tomorrow im giving a speech to help voters sanction HS lax in minnesota. tell me what you guys think.

note- im spellchecking it later


hi, my name is alec wilson and i am a sophmore at southwest high school in minneapolis. this is my fourth year playing lacrosse. when i first started playing lacrosse in 7th grade i thought it was just going to be a hobby but its ended up being much more to me. when i started playing lacrosse i played football basketball and baseball, but as my first season went on i started to love this sport and now its my main sport and i hope to play in college.
like for most high school athletes lettering in the sport i love is very important to me. but even more important than getting a letter is being treated equally. we practice we work out we bleed just like all other high school athletes and we all want the same recognition that other high school athletes receive, we want to play in our school stadium, we want to see our name in a boxscore in the star tribune, we want our announcements made on the loudspeaker at school, just like every other high school athlete does
i dont want to feel like a second class citizen. i hope you all vote yes but regardless of how you vote i want to thank you for the oppertunity.

[ron_burgundy]

take out that regardless of how you vote part. its a weak way to end. you definitely need to concentrate on the end...that is what will leave the strongest impression on your audience. i would replace citizen with athlete because "second class citizen" pertains to far more important issues. make the last sentence a strong statement instead of "i hope." something like "vote yes, and you will give thousands of athletes..."

[StreetStunt06]

Mr ron_burgundy is right, but overall nice speech, good luck with it!

[d-pole01]

i hope the voting will go good because we only missed by a few last year