NEW radio commercial c+c please

[Laxer1241]

I had to write this radio commercial for my Sports lit. class so tell if you like it.


HEY HOCKEY FANS!!!!
Its hockey season once again!
so come on out OCT 4TH to see your NEW SEATTLE DESTROYERS take on the
LA KINGS at key arena. Tickets are only ...... for adults and ..... for children
Also joining us will be HILLARY SWANK and BOB BARKER to sign autographs
1st 1000 fans will recieve FREE tshirts and hats
SO COME ON OUT OCT 4TH AND HAVE SOME FUN!!!!!


....any advice will be apperciated

[fossil8412]

Do it in a middle eastern accent for kicks.

[Falconsmikevick]

Do it in a middle eastern accent for kicks.
I just read that out loud in a middle eastern accent because you said that.

[TRELAX1201]

only idvice I can give is maybe instead of saying tickets are...for adults nad ...for kids just say "tickets start as low as..." and state a price?

[RgLax]

and nobody cares about hilary swank, put in someone good

[chslax24]

HEY HOCKEY FANS!!!!
Its hockey season once again!


saying hockey twice in a row sounds wierd.. to me at least

[Laxer1241]

and nobody cares about hilary swank, put in someone good
Unfortunatly I have a partner and she disagrees with you so i have to say her lol

[livin4lax09]

it's not really about the material as much as it is about presentation. that is, if you're presenting it.