Funny Excuses

[Sethlax17]

Last night, while I should have been wasting space in the Insomniac Megathread, I began to reminice about past seasons. After a while I got to freshman year cross country and how much fun the people were.
Anyway, the funniest excuse I have ever heard was said when a kid came to practice the day after he was not attending.

My coach asks "Where the hell were you?!"
Kid replies with "It was my dog's birthday, so I had to go to her party."

What time is better for hearing lame excuses than summer? Lets hear what funny (fake or true) excuses you have heard or said.

[shoebag2000]

Why didn't you turn in your homework?

I can't, I'm gay.



Teacher can't really say much, on the off chance that you really are.

[bigdale9]

this happened to my freind but i was there

a kid goes to punch my freind and hits him

they get sent to the office

principal: did you punch him?
kid: no i came a milimeter away.

principal didnt buy that

[Riot]

A girl told my friend she couldn't go to the movies with him because her mom had a heart attack.

Her mom didn't have a heart attack.

[shoebag2000]

Maybe she would have if she had gone to the movies with the guy.

[c0letraiN]

In practice one day, we were scrimmaging. My coaches are really strict and paranoid about shooting over arm on the ground ALL THE TIME! They get really annoyed when we shoot sidearm or anything besides overarm. My coaches always say how we will always miss the cage if we shoot sidearm. So, my friend shoots sidearm and misses.
My coach goes "see!"
My friend says "The wind took it."

[laxr24]

My friend asked this girl to dance and she said "i'm sorry, i have to go put socks on first" and never came back

[WSlax9]

this one everyone knows it but its classic! :]
teacher: where's your homework?
student: my dog ate it.

[CPlax19]

Well this isnt that funny, but it works if you ever give a bad pass.

if you are passing to a cutter or something and you pass it to far in front of them you can just say "you should have kept running!" or "you didnt run fast enough for it!"

[tiplax]

Believe it or not i used this in English class this year.
Teacher i'm tight with: "Where's your writing portifolio?"
Me: sorry "i couldn't get it done. i was busy all weekend preparing my Arbor day party."
Teacher: "Oh, ok." then during class he checked a calander and relized it was no where near arbor day but he gave me a day extension

the next day i came in with my portfolio typed in symbols font and he thought i was serious and he was about to have a breakdown

[HdGLaxWarrior]

teacher: why don't you have your homework?
response: i was hungry for knowledge, so i ate it.

teacher: why are you late?
response: the bell rang before i got here.

[lax39er]

Last year at pratice we had a kid come to pratice and say he couldnt pratice because in science class we were doing rock Iding and he smelt a rock and had a stomach ach.

[VTLaxFan]

One of my more annoying friends (KID A) calls another one of my friends( KID N) when I am over N's house. N's Dad answers the phone, and has N answer on a different phone. N told A that he couldn't hang out because his dad wasn't home yet! And he believed him. One of the best that I've heard.

[spartanlax91]

well i come to school late alot, and when the attedance office asks me why i came late, i just tell them my alarm clocks batteries died.

[WIlax]

well i come to school late alot, and when the attedance office asks me why i came late, i just tell them my alarm clocks batteries died.

I do the same thing..I come in at the end of first period every day..and I say i forgot to set my alarm EVERY day...they know me by my name and every lol...but I didnt do a project over a weekend one time and this is what happend

English Teacher: Wheres your project? You had all weekend to do it.
Me: My AIDS was acting up. (With a dead straight face)
English Teacher: Oh god im so sorry. You can have an extension talk to me after class...

That was priceless

[bringthewood]

I do the same thing..I come in at the end of first period every day..and I say i forgot to set my alarm EVERY day...they know me by my name and every lol...but I didnt do a project over a weekend one time and this is what happend

English Teacher: Wheres your project? You had all weekend to do it.
Me: My AIDS was acting up. (With a dead straight face)
English Teacher: Oh god im so sorry. You can have an extension talk to me after class...

That was priceless


nice

this isn't an excuse but we had an early game once and i was late and my coach said "Where have you been?." and i said "Sleeping. Where else would i be in the morning?"

[HeadHeartHustle]

truth is sooo much funnier than any excuse.

coach " Practice started at 2:15...where were you?"
Player " ....Drunk?"

[RazzMaChazz]

My History teacher used to always get mad at me for sleeping in her class, so one day she asked me "Why do you always sleep in my class?" and i said "because i need to stay awake during chemistry next period."

[MACDADDY]

I do the same thing..I come in at the end of first period every day..and I say i forgot to set my alarm EVERY day...they know me by my name and every lol...but I didnt do a project over a weekend one time and this is what happend

English Teacher: Wheres your project? You had all weekend to do it.
Me: My AIDS was acting up. (With a dead straight face)
English Teacher: Oh god im so sorry. You can have an extension talk to me after class...

That was priceless
omg thats the besst excuse ive heard. i wonder if any tacher at my school is dumb enough to fall for that...i better start practicing...

has anyone tried "my grandpa had a stroke and i ended up preparing his funneral..."

[Jordan798]

I always say i go to the bathroom but leave for a long time. ont time i was goen for about half the class and when my teacher asked me where i was i said i had my period. and yes, i am a guy. to bad he didnt believe me

[HeadHeartHustle]

haha, how about"

Teacher "why do you sleep in my class?"
Student " O dont worry, i sleep in every class..."

[Laxking31]

This one is for in a game. It just pisses me off when people say this.

Coach " Ya know why that wasn't a goal? Because you didnt bounce it"
Player " Well it was going to go in...."

But what? Did the goalie actually make a save because it was a crappy shot. That excuse just maks me so mad. And the "I didnt see him" excuse for why you dont pass to someone

[benjamming18]

"Why weren't you at practice yesterday?"
"I didn't know we had practice on wednsday"

[laolax]

i use this a lot.

its because im asian

[GoBucks]

There's this 8-year-old kid that always comes over and hangs with my brother. I was missing a stick for about a week, and one evening he comes over, and I notice that the stick he was using was mine. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: Hey, that's my stick.
Kid: It is? I thought it was mine.
Me: No, that's mine. How'd you get it?
Kid: Uhh, I found it at my house.

WTF??? That kid straight up gave me a load of crap. It turns out my brother told him he could take my stick home. Jeeze, both of them are idiots.

[WClax17]

i dont actually have a good excuse, but my parents all ways tell a story about a professor that they had in college that would give you a 100 on any assignment if you came up with a "really creative excuse," thats kinda cool.

[BurnSomeRope]

completely forgot about an english assignment so i took an old paper with writing on it and burned it. i told my english teacher that i was having a horrible week and i somehow managed to drop my paper in a waffle maker. i dont have a waffle maker (wish i had one)
she forgot about the assignment, ended up getting a 100 on it.

[HeadHeartHustle]

^^^thats a really good one. the more obscure, but still could happen, then better.

[bigdale9]

how about this
the story: a black kid in my class fails a test
teacher comes by
you failed my because im black didnt you?

there are some black kids in my class (no racism) but they get in trouble and call the teacher a racisit

a real good one here.
teacher: why are you laughing?
kid: cause i peed in my pants

[Blue]

Did this one is math this year:

Im sleeping and the teacher wakes me up and asks,
Teacher: Are you sleeping in my class?!?!?!
Me: No, I'm just not paying attention.

[Riot]

I was struck by lightning.

[Stringer4Lax]

I was struck by lightning.
That happened to my uncle twice when he was a senior.... He got out of almost every assignment from a month because he "Couldnt remember how to write"

[hvlacrosse311]

last year i was like 30 minutes late to first period because my friend decided to stop at starbucks and we were late. So i walked into my class and i put on a like disturbed/sad face and my teacher asked me where i had been and i looked up and him and mumbled that i hit a dog on the way to school. I made up this huge story about how it ran out in front of the car and i hit it and the owner came out crying and her little kids saw it happen while they were waiting for the bus and he believed every word of it and i got excused for first period. Best excuse ever.

[WSlax9]

LMFAO^^^^^^^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Riot]

That happened to my uncle twice when he was a senior.... He got out of almost every assignment from a month because he "Couldnt remember how to write" That's crazy. I told a girl that was a couple of minutes late that she looked like she had been struck by lightning. She was an idiot though, she didn't run with it.

[XLaxClipper]

In practice one day, we were scrimmaging. My coaches are really strict and paranoid about shooting over arm on the ground ALL THE TIME! They get really annoyed when we shoot sidearm or anything besides overarm. My coaches always say how we will always miss the cage if we shoot sidearm. So, my friend shoots sidearm and misses.
My coach goes "see!"
My friend says "The wind took it."
sounds like midwood :|

[GCdorman40]

i was late to english once and it sorta went like...
"where were you?"
"would you believe me if i said i was at the bathroom?"
"no"
"how about my locker was jammed?"
"no"
"what if i said i was talking to coach?"
"maybe"
"I was talking to coach"


he laughed and let me off the hook.

[abomb]

One time I didnt have my homework and my math teacher came by and was like "Wheres your homework" and I was like "Right here" and I showed her a blank piece of paper. She just stared at me and I said "well its in invisible ink you see" and she gave me credit.

[rynolax]

Wow, you guys seem to have retards as teachers. Not that its a bad thing, your lucky. My teachers don't even let you get an excuse out, they just beat you down. :nono: :thumbsdow

[LiquidMercury16]

Came back 20 mins late from lunch in highschool and teacher asked me where I'd been....without even missing a beat I replied with, "Rat infestation in the lunch room and the cafeteria lady asked me to help." Sat down and didn't act like I had said anything out of the norm. The teacher just shook his head and went back to lecturing.

[ReLAXation7]

Teacher asks, "Why are you late to class?"
Kid answers, "I'm Jewish."

The most hilarious thing I've ever heard.

[murderlax]

real excuse:
well my teacher is very leanient on teaching and stuff. well now im in summer school and i came to class 2hours late and he asked where i was and i said as i was walking in "i was sleeping and got here late" and when i got to my seat i put my head down and went back to sleep. hahahahhaha

fake excuse:
well at my school we have a "late room" where if you're late, than you get locked out of your class and have to go to late room where you do tedious busy work. well once i snuck in and my teacher caught me, he asked why i was 15 minutes late and i said that i came in late cause i was stopping a bank robbery from happening . haha he let me in.

also real:
this late room teacher is very cool. i had him for study hall and he kinda just didnt care. well lets me ditch study hall(before lunch) as long as i get him a burrito. haha and i do.
plus my trainer teaches sports medicine at our school and whenever i ditch seventh period, i go to him and ask for a pass and he'll give me one.

[Riot]

My English teacher told me my essay was so good she wanted me to give me her Black Eyed Peas CD. I said no.

[Riot]

My uncle bartended his senior year at Exeter.

"Sorry I'm late, I was bartending."

I bet he got crazy action.

[SDPirate]

i walked in an hour late to class with a bag of in n out.

teacher: where were you and why are you just geting here.
me: *shrugs shoulder* i... uhhh... dont know?

[marflax33]

Alcohol was involved in the process of creating this post, so I'll edit it out.

[hvlacrosse311]

i walked in an hour late to class with a bag of in n out.

teacher: where were you and why are you just geting here.
me: *shrugs shoulder* i... uhhh... dont know?
i would skip a whole day of school just to eat at in n out. I went out to san diego to visit my brother and i ate there and it was the most amazing food of all time. i know that was off topic but its too good not to bring up

[cbstringers]

in english class ill always forget my homework:

teacher: why didnt u do ur homework?
me: homeworks is against my religion
teacher: walks to the front of the class looking very pissed
me:I start singing jesus loves you
teacher: makes me write 100 sentences
me: realize i go to a catholic school.

[marianlax]

i always say im concussed

[hvlacrosse311]

i always say im concussed
that worked for me for like the last month of school, because i really was. I would purposely walk into a class that i had later in the day at like 9am and just sit down and my teacher would just tell me i was in the wrong class and id sleep in that teachers class later that day. pretty sweet

[laxman37]

That worked for me a few times, about the 11th teachers quit buying it though. I was concussed though, honestly, and they knew it, but they didn't believe me.

One time....

Teacher: Why are you late?
Me: Well.... I was on time to class
Teacher: Class started one hour ago.
Me: I was on time to class... but it turned out to be the wrong class. Mr. Malone got pissed because I was sleeping, and then he realized I wasn't in his class. It's all because I'm concussed, and I couldn't stay awake and I didn't know where to go
Teacher:*sighs* Go sit down

[strmlax16]

how about this

coach: you listening to me son
me:........
coach: i said you listening to me
me:.......
coach: wats a matter dont understand english
me: no i dont understand chinese

my coach was terrible and asian. i had to do laps. that was a bad practice

[Sir Mackel]

ok so my friend got caught skipping class and told the principal he took laxitive and they bought it.

I got caught skipping and the next day
teacher:Where were you yesterday?
me:skipping
teacher:why?
me:your class is pointless and boring
teacher:show me some respect atleast
me*write respect on a piece of paper and show it to her*

i got a referael and a ten day suspension the next day for fighting the kid who snitched on me.

[bmxinspired]

well i broke my wrist and my thumb before so i just wear the splint for either one for my wrist or my thumb that the doctors gave me and i wear to school for a week, in class you have people write for you and my teachers give me no homework either because i say i cant write, and it works because both the wrist and thumb were my right hand

[atacklax]

If you ever want to leave class, just run out of the room. When you come back, say that you either had violent diarrhea or you vomited.
Here are some funny math problems that are pretty relevant.
http://haha.nu/funny/funny-math/

[baseballsucks]

i was late like 23 times in my first period and every day i was late i would bring my teacher some food from chick-fil-a which is a really good fast food restaurant and because he was fat and stupid he let me off it didnt matter if i was five minutes late or an hour late he let me off. suprisingly he was a strict teacher, but just really fat. Worked every single time. I got an A in that class.

[Irishlax22]

My friend got pulled over by a cop for going through a red light. "Oh sorry officer im color blind" Well after the cop gave him a speech about why you shouldnt lie. He was told he has to go to a safety driving course 2 hours a week for the next 2 months. All i did was shake my head in the back seat.

[FamousAmos]

one time i threw a dictionary at the chalkboard and it knocked down all the posters on the board and my teacher yelled at me
WHATS WRONG WITH YOU AMOS
i simply told her that there a spider on my leg and that i jolted up and threw a dictionary lol

[bcannons14]

this happened to a friend at school during lunch one time
someone throws an orange and our teacher blames him. teacher tells him to pick up and the kid yells" this is bs!" (but actually says it)
the teacher goes" tell me you didnt say that"
kid goes" i didnt say that"
teacher laughs and leaves

it was really funny but probably doesnt sound that great.

[chucktownattack]

I was watching these two kids that were, I guess, friends. The one kid (Rob) asks the other kid (James who has a huge, card shaped lump in his pocket.
" Jamie, where's my Pokemon cards? "
" I don't know. I didn't take 'em Robby. "
" What's in your pocket, then? "
" Nothing, I don't have anything. "
" Empty out your pocket's! "
*Jamie emptied out his pocket and with a straight face said...*
"What? How did these get in there. Oh I know, Chuck e' Cheese put em in there because you dropped 'em in the big slide."


I almost died laughing. The kid with the stolen card's when he said "How did these get in there?" Was priceless.